Wouldn't it be nice if everything was the way it's supposed to be?

In Wouldn't it be nice if everything was the way it's supposed to be? I created a space and posed a question. I am interested in intimacy and personal spaces like bathrooms and bedrooms as part of that investigation. With this installation, however, I worked intuitively, not fully understanding the room as I made it. I didn't even fully understand the text on the floor as I wrote it, or the video of the ocean; I just knew they belonged there.

I set out to make a bedroom that would make me happy, and hopefully make others happy as well. I wanted to initiate interaction with the viewer through the text and objects. I wanted to work in a corridor so that the viewer is confronted with the space and can pass through it, almost like a ghost, and decide whether or not they want to stay awhile. Or even decide if they want to use the alternate hallway next time.

For me, the work is a lot about a longing for an idyllic world, a sort of world where it is normal to invite people to sleep in your room, a world where tea is always readily available, and a world where kitschy collections of woodland creatures abound. Through the video of the ocean, the houseplant, and the owl and deer figurines, I reference a sort of perversion of the natural: something is removed from it source and brought indoors in a bittersweet way: I love watching the video of the ocean or sitting near the plant, but I would rather be at the actual ocean. Inside, it becomes static.

Whether the room is an empathetic joke to someone that feels like they live at school, an oasis between classes, or a bizarre curiosity, I want the space to produce thoughts surrounding home, privacy, displacement, and this institution. I hope to make more rooms in the future where they don't belong, re-contextualizing this private space.

I have loved seeing the interaction: someone added an owl to my collection, and we are now friends. Someone else made my bed and washed all the mugs for me. Someone else (potentially) stole a mug. Someone else borrowed a book. Someone watched me sleep and someone took photos of me sleeping. Someone else left a note. Someone stored some objects in the room for safe keeping. Someone moved the plant to give it a bit more sunlight. Wouldn't it be nice if everything was the way it's supposed to be?

Mein Kinder

This piece began out of admiration of the space and the proximity that I have held to it thus far this semester. I do not think many people use this room to shower, It is very old and at first sight a bit creepy. I have grown very fond of it and found myself wanting to become part of the space. I feel an intense sense of loss in the space and was drawn to the holocaust because of the nature of the room and shower set up. As I spent time in the space and listened to what the space needed I felt as if there was a ghost who was searching for her children and who died long ago but could not find peace with out finding her children. It is a piece of struggle and loss. I have experienced loss in a long drawn out manner on multiple occasions and have had to watch intense suffering and struggle occur in others who knew that they were dying or losing something very important to them. During these experiences the body begins to react in an almost ghost like behavior and starts to go into automatic pilot where nothing else matters but "mein kinder" or whatever the loss may be for each person. There is a moment that occurs prior to the loss and this moment is very interesting to me. It has a sense of intense fear and also a beginning of one giving into the loss and allowing acceptance to occur. This moment can be felt over and over again as I experienced in this piece. However I was stuck in this moment for the desire to live and save my children was too strong to allow me to completely die and therefore I became a ghost tortured in her own existence. Unable to give into the realization of the loss and move forward I became stuck in the loss but never fully able to experience the loss therefore I was stuck in the moment before the loss.

conflicting perceptions 2 experiment

conflicting perception 2 experiment

This piece was meant to be the “sequel” to the first performance, conflicting perception. 

Overall, for this altered perception, I wanted to concentrate on communication and hiding.  How do we know we are always speaking to someone? Is it unconsciously or consciously?  Perhaps, our conversations are just dreams or even hallucinations.    

My intention was to experiment with separating the audience from the performance.  I found that I prefer to incorporate the audience.  Otherwise, I would make sure to disrupt the consciousness that was I unintentionally created in today’s performance.  Overall, I was able to see what to add and take away in my next piece.  It was a good experiment with this idea I wanted to present.  For the book, I thought it would be funny if he was reading a book about consciousness.  I had previously thought of having him read, Kokoro by Natsume Soseki.  

After I watched the video, I can see how the audience would have read Nick and Tara as being parental units because of their posture.  I have some ideas about costumes, so I would like to try that next time in a piece.  I don’t use the theme of family in pieces, so I find it odd that could be interrupted as such.   

Basically, I think the piece was interesting and successful by itself, but I think the next performance of conflicting perceptions 2 needs to be more surreal.  Therefore, I’ll regard this one as the experiment. 

Response: Bodily Noises

I cannot say I have ever experienced anything as exotic and fierce as this display of human emotion through bodily noises. This exercise was intense, intensely intense for me if that makes sense. In all honesty I have been on an everlasting rollercoaster of emotions and to hear the production of collective emotional noise surrounding me, not to mention in the dark, was actually quite frightening to me. The way I have been feeling lately- up, down, really down- was no match to the level of emotional burden bestowed upon me. The black space and continuous noises were inescapable. I really didn’t know how to react. I was too scared to react. Eventually I found myself humming a continuous hum, something I concentrated on to escape all the noises that made me so uncomfortable. This was probably one of the first times I have ever tried meditating.

What I realize now is that this experience was something far greater than just standing around in a circle, eyes closed, using the body to create noise. Something happened that is difficult for me to put into words. My emotions were taken from me, I was silenced into nothing, and they came back to attack me.

"Labyrinth" by Darwin

This large, cascading web was woven late in the night, under the haze of the fire's eastbound smoke.  Weaving it made me feel timeless.  Hip-pop and drunken slurs drifted through my ears as I dipped over and under, around and and between the five trees.

Usually that kind of crap bothers me:  I hate the injustice of rampant alcohol consumption, I hate the racism behind Hip-pop.  But as I wove, the rhythmic movement of my elbows and fingers soothed me, and I felt wise like the spider that wove the story of reality.  The space that sits quietly to the side of the high-traffic path to campus became a labyrinth of solace.  The blue yarn glowed in the hazy damp air.  Looking out from the inside of the web was like looking through fire: everything was vibrating at a minutely perceptible frequency.

In class, I think some humans felt stimulated by the piece.  I think this owes to the vibrancy of the light blue color, the texture and delicacy of the yarn, and the scale of the web relatively.  I noticed that some felt compelled to look at it from new angles; to try to look up at the sky through it; to use it as a lens through which to renew the world.

We came up with some great ideas that inspire me to continue making large-scale webs.  The integration of sound, possibly in the story of dreams is one idea.  Another is regarding material-- creating something elastic that could be stretched and played with, or a reliably sturdy weave that people could lay on.  Also, wouldn't it be fun to look up into the sky and watch the clouds pass, or snow fall through a big, lofty dream-catcher?

-Darwin

Project 1: In Memory of Fuddlescum Kiki

Does the size of an object really change the viewer’s desire to stare at it?  According to kawaii* (cute) culture from Japan, it does.  The use of kawaii articles is one way I conflict themes.    In Memory of Fuddlescum Kiki, kawaii is visually manifested within the installation, but deviates from its usual message to become the opposite, dark humor. 

The installation was meant to be subtle, but overpowering once the viewer becomes engaged with the piece.  This is the kawaii effect, where “cuteness” has the ability to control the viewer’s gaze.  I meant for the lighting to enhance this experience as the viewer might start to feel awkward with the subject matter of viewing of the deceased. 

Funerals or exhibitions of bodies decorate and celebrate bodies, making them the spectacle.  This topic is not limited to humans, but also includes pets.  I find there is always a curiosity towards the experience that I wanted to explore.  In regard to previous experience, I have to ask myself: is this a subconscious desire to remain young or merely a sarcastic representation of the past?  I find that the connection with this curiosity remains even with artificial or “unreal” objects.  I regret that I can’t replace Kiki, but I have no desire to fix it either.      

Dark humor and sarcasm, conflicting themes, and influence from Japanese culture are constant themes within my work.  In addition to this, how can the better understanding of our brain function help us understand ourselves?  Or how far are we able to analyze our subconscious to know what force is in control?  Perhaps, our brains are far beyond our understanding and control.  In the end, we are left with subtle clues, such as the kawaii effect to realize that we are the ones at the mercy of our brain’s function.

In the future, I plan to explore lighting and the color of spaces when I display this work.  Also, I want to explore repetition by creating several other similar pieces through different characters or various funeral scenes with the only one character.  I think I would still use the same “shoe box” format.     

*A subculture psychologically relating back to traumatic effects of atomic bombings and expresses the desire to remain young.  Also, considered a part of Japan’s national identity of harmony/love, cute culture manifests itself into prefectural and government mascots.  

"Pink Tacos" by Paula Tsiftilis

Pink taco, beaver or axe wound are all slang terms that have been used to describe the vagina. I find it especially interesting , how the term "pink taco"in our culture can be associated with the vagina. I see humor, as well as a degrading side to this, since a complex female reproductive organ can be related to a food, something that is thoughtlessly desired and consumed.

Lately, I have been thinking about the male/female binary and exploring the suffocating influence of social systems upon sexual identity. The objects I create represent the daily experiences of these social constructions, and through layering or dissecting these forms and experiences I discover hidden lives. Here, I have created these delicate objects which suggest a sexual form, and put them on display, for the potential to be critiqued or even consumed.

After shaping the tacos and letting them become firm, I dipped them in pink house paint. In class i had displayed them on top of a vanity mirror, but here I have them on a gold tray which can slightly change the meaning. I thought about the advice I got and altered the piece by placing a silky flowered pattern fabric on the table, instead of the canvas. I feel this was a good change, but I believe there is an even better fabric to suit this installation. I imagine the final fabric to be a dark silky purple with a floral print, that is long enough to touch the floor. I also started drawing on the tacos, to further explore hidden layers. This is definitely a piece that i will be thinking on ways to improve throughout the semester and I want to continue working with the image of a pink taco throughout a series. I usually create hybrid forms that are neither male nor female (or sometimes both), but at the risk of looking like a feminist, I am currently fascinated by the female anatomy and its relationship to consumption and humor.

Eventually, I am interested in creating these small sculptures in an edible form.